The longer I've been in XinZhuang, the more I've realized why they say missionary work is hard. It is. I am so incapable in so many ways I can't believe that God has allowed me to come here to Taiwan and try to do something that is so valuable to him. I guess I'm starting to learn that it actually is a bit of a privilege to be out here to learn all that I'm learning. Because when all is said and done, everyone is accountable for their own works and their own salvation right? I won't be accountable for anyone who I taught that either chose to accept or reject my message.. So why am I out here. I'm out here to learn how to be a better person. And that I have!! Wow.
I crashed on Sunday this past week. I couldn't hardly stay awake during sacrament meeting. It was literally the first hour this past week that I wasn't in charge or leading anything. And as a result I was struggling so hard not to just pass out cold haha. But I had to teach Sunday school after so don't worry I was awoken again.
Opening an area, struggling with lots of setbacks, and then receiving a 4 page fax from your mission president that us leaders (I'm still DL) need to step up our game and double our numbers and whatnot, isn't that easy. Missions are difficult haha!
They are also beautiful. I will never the same person I was before again. You cannot hope to control how many people you talk to to have an interest in the gospel. You cannot control how many people are at a certain place that you felt you should go find at. There are really just a lot of things you can't control. So for those of your preparing, maybe keep that in mind. Focus what you can control. Improve yourself. Find your every weakness, at least so you're aware of them, and then work to improve. That's all you can control.
It is a privilege that I got to come out to Taiwan to this boot camp. Although I may sound a little down, I'm not. I'm just humbled. A bit of a deer in the headlights too. And kind of just amazed. I don't really know how I feel right now. Life is so beautiful in its complexity that you don't see until you are put under as much stress as you are as part of a mission.
Love you all. Hope your week in fabulous! I'm praying for you!!
|weekly Ikea trip :-)|