Happy Father's Day!! I have the best one, sorry to break it to you all..
I am having a hard time starting this email honestly. You know when you come out quantum physics class a little bewildered and unable to take it all in? That's about where I am at right now trying to decide how to share the lessons I've learned.
I've thought a lot about what classifies as actual "victory."
And I have determined that I cannot fully comprehend what it is.
I have never tried so hard on my mission to have a super good, successful, effective weekend as I did these past few days. We have been on the streets all day, everyday. No set up lessons. Yesterday alone, we knocked doors in the pouring rain for 4 straight hours. No one listened. I have been mocked, laughed at, and insulted this past week more times than I can count. Our only consistent investigator this past week even went as far as to tell me that I am impatient, unloving, a liar, ignorant, and many other things, all as a result of me simply praying that all the wounds in his heart would be healed.
Needless to say, the week was a little tough.
However, as I sat in sacrament meeting yesterday, I have never felt so successful in my life. I watched an investigator of the sisters in my ward get confirmed and I felt so much that she was my own RC getting confirmed. (which is a big deal as a missionary) I felt SO good. So many endorphins in my brain, it was as if I was "high" honestly.
In the end, I don't know what my efforts have actually done to influence anyone here in 新莊. I'm not even sure if most of the ward knows who I even am. And we have no baptisms anywhere on the horizon right now. Yet, I feel so satisfied with it all. Every bit.
I'll share a story that President Day shared with me while I was talking with him in his office one day. He leaves this next week, so it's only fitting I pay him a little tribute. The story he shared was:
"There was a man with God. And God came to the man one day and told him to push this massive rock. The man willingly suited up and set right off to it. But this rock was enormous. After a few days of pushing, this man starting looking at the rock from different angles, trying to strategise his next moves in hopes of pushing this huge rock. He did everything. He dug trenches, he used wedges, and he pushed on every side. However, after many weeks of pushing, the rock hadn't moved hardly an inch. Dejected and frustrated, the man went back to God to tell him he had failed, and to also ask him what that was all for anyways. God looked at the poor little defeated man and said to him, "You did not fail. I told you to PUSH that rock. I did not tell you to MOVE that rock. You have pushed everyday valiantly. You have done all in your power to do as you were told to do. And as a result of your faithful efforts, look at how strong you have become. Look at how cut your biceps, pecs, abs, and quads all are. Again, look at how strong you have become."
Yesterday as I sat in that meeting pondering my feelings, I had a chance to figuratively look at myself in the mirror. And I will proudly say, I am RIPPED now!
Some of you are going through trials alongside me right now. My heart goes out to you all. But know this, I am so excited for you all to get your chance to look in the mirror as well. It feels pretty good. :-) At the moment, it is what I would consider "victory" as.
I love being a missionary. I love Taiwan. But I love home more. Miss you all so much. You're in my heart and prayers.